Here I am, sitting alone in my room, crying.

It's just after midnight and this is becoming a bit of a routine. I tried reaching out to my boyfiend but he just doesn't care. My friends don't notice, they don't care. I haven't been myself in months and I hate it. I need a friend. I need help. I need someone to listen. I nee someone to make me feel worth it, to make me feel like I belong here and that I have a purpose.

I deleted my facebook, I deleted my twitter, I deleted most of the numbers in my phone and all of my texts and I'm ready to start new. I'm ready to find out who notices and who my real friends are, if I have any. I'm ready to decide once and for all whether this long distance relationship is worth it and I'm ready to start all over and teach myself how to be happy again.

I wish people didn't replace me so easily.

I realized that I haven't blogged in.. a long while.

I try to on tumblr but I'm always so afraid of being judged by my friends. But sometimes I just need to get it all out.

I hate my school. I hate how I always feel so lonely. I hate how the only person who makes me feel alive and makes me feel like I'm not a worthless piece of shit is 10hours away from me. I hate that I cry myself to sleep and no one even knows it. I hate that even if they did, they probably wouldn't even care. I guess I hate a lot of things right now and part of me doesn't even understand why because I want to be happy. It's just so hard.